HER-KEY YETU!!!

Now that Kenyan politics has taken a final turn, of course with room for its usual surprises, I think the IEBC should borrow some tips from FIFA; How comes the two teams have uneven number of players i.e. Railonzo FC having Raila, Kalonzo, Wetangula and Ngilu while Uhuruto FC has Uhuru, Ruto and Mudavadi. That’s unfair! Kwani one Uhuruto player has been red carded? Why the few players? Anyway, they never compare Kenyan politics to football coz it’s never a game of the ordinary plebes (LOL! Plebe is the English word for mwananchi). Kenyan politricks is simply compared to horse racing; a game for the wealthy- though my man Agwambo says the other team is a ‘goat’! Let’s hope that our elections will take the USA turn where a leader is elected as an idealist and realist but not as a populist. I like the Peter Kenneth-Tuju duo who are but Obeezy wannabes…no 8 spitch but this is Kenya man! The land of ‘peleka mtu wetu state house’. Tribalism has killed us in all its aspects. There’s no difference between HIV and Tribalism. Anyway, God had a reason for creating me: to invent the cure against tribalism!!! Eureka! Eureka! The Kenyan Govt should illegalize mother tongue and native names. A police station should be set up inside Pumwani Maternity and all other maternities in Kenya. People should have only names in line with the national languages i.e. Abimelech Ronaldson, Methuselah Abrahams, Mshikaki Mlafi, Kuku Bata etc. After we all die (apart from Methuselah Abrahams) the remaining tribes will have no ethnicity in them. And tribalism will have been killed. Thanks to me…I hereby warn suffericom against stealing this idea and M-pesarize it… [tunawajua]. Talking of names, in Africa they are so so hereditary and that’s why this dudey (Kalonzo) had to leave his ‘Watermelon’ tag to Migooner Migooner. This jamaa was up in arms against RAO and now he’s backing him up like hell. As I said, Kenyan politics has surprises!!! It can’t be compared, in any aspect, as the Ibrahimovic vs. Messi beef! Kenyan Politricks is strictly for vegetarians. By vegetarians, I mean old men and our agricultural background.

Ok.Ok. I’ll just have to face the fact that I’ve always been the last in my economic class. My consolation being that we all can’t be number one! It’s logical to raise prices of goods after they are taxed, right? Haiya, by buying the goods, you cater for the tax by paying that extra shilling, right? Tuendelee! You are also taxed on your incomes, right? It’s like you are losing out twice, right? (am sorry for discriminating the left handed people…from now on, I will replace ‘right’ with ‘left’…am sorry Bill Clinton)…Anyway, the tax system should be questioned and I leave that to the number one in my class of three: Me, Myself and I (Disclaimer: those names are not tribalistic..LOL! They are not even names, they are Pronouns). And by the way, did Safaricom take away our free SMS’es to give them to IEBC? Just askin’…IEBC will have to take extra measures if voters fail to register in numbers: word is out that various incentives will be crafted i.e. Campus students given one mwaxx/lika on registration, price cut on Bluemoon, Free Durex in hostel, Free Mineral water to Maranda students with ID cards, Arsenal fans to be given a free trophy on registration…

Signing out…Slitherbee