Why are people using the WhatsApp update templates like they don't have keypads? Well, they piss me off if they stay for long,man...things gotta change, your life ain't that static:
1. Someone on his status "Sleeping" (Updated: 3 days ago) He's probably dead. 2. Someone is "Driving" updated 5 days ago! I guess by now he has reached Cairo by now and his fuel costs can be redeemed with a Title Deed. Or maybe the guy has a running stomach and missed the Swahili translation of it
3. Someone's status is "Happy" for the past 1 month. Such guys are probably single or they are in their first stages of a relationship... Or maybe the guy is still shooting the "Happy" clips by Pharell Williams who by now has even forgotten the lyrics of the hit song.
4. Someone is always "Available". How free are you? Haven't you heard of Uwezo Fund? CDF? Political Rally? Sleeping at Uhuru Park?
5. From first day their status is, "Hey there! I'm using WhatsApp" I know I know, we are all on WhatsApp but to you it's more of a bragging right, nkt! kwani hapa ni Webuye?
6. Someone writes "Urgent calls only". Don't get it... Are you in the police or ambulance service? Ama you just joined NYS!!!
7. Someone says, "Can't talk, WhatsApp only". Dude then throw away your phone, you're not using the phone's Primary function.
8. Someone is "At the movies" for the past 6 weeks. Either he owns the theater or sells popcorn there, just guessing
9. Someone's own "At school". What the hell are we gonna do about your being in school, save us the story it's all yours not for us. and why the hell are you not telling us your grades???
10. Someone puts "Busy" for 2 months He must be very busy and probably he's a Kanjo driver who really can't chat and drive, just busy chasing people.
Rapper Khaligraph is really going places with his flawless English n Swahili rap. He has landed enviable deals plus lucrative shows as Kenyans wait to see him curtain raise (and maybe outdo) for 2 Chains and Talib Kweli in two different mega events. His hard work has indeed borne fruits after he just bought a new Subaru:
Men talk about it, brag about theirs and compare it to others. It’s
probably one of the most talked about body parts along with boobies and
vagina, but it’s also probably the most neglected when it comes to
hygienw.
Men, give your penis the care it deserves. You’ll find out that you
won’t be the only one to benefit – your beau will be grateful too. The ungrateful ones tend to seek it elsewhere. Well, here's how to clean it:
Don’t Forget Underneath
Gently wash the penis with warm water each day when you’re having a
shower or bath. If you have a foreskin, pull it back gently and wash
underneath. If you don’t wash underneath the foreskin correctly, a
cheesy-looking substance called smegma may begin to gather. Smegma is a
natural lubricant that keeps the penis moist. It’s found on the head of
the penis and under the foreskin. If smegma builds up in the foreskin,
it can start to smell, stop you easily pulling your foreskin back and
become a breeding ground for bacteria. This can cause redness and
swelling of the head of your penis, called balanitis.
If you have a foreskin, pull it back gently and wash underneath.
Don’t try to forcefully pull back the foreskin of a baby or young boy as
this could be painful and cause harm. Their foreskin might still be
attached to the head of the penis and will therefore not retract fully.
At this stage of their development, there’s no need to clean inside the
foreskin. Gently wash the penis with warm water each day when you’re
having a shower or bath.
Washing Too Much
While regular personal hygiene is important, too much washing with soap
and shower gels can cause soreness. Gently washing your penis once a day
with warm water is sufficient to maintain good hygiene. If you want to
use soap, choose a mild or non-perfumed soap to reduce the risk of skin
irritation.
It may be tempting to use talc and deodorants on your penis, but these
are best avoided because talc will get under the foreskin, where it may
cause irritation.
Circumcised men have to be just as careful about cleaning their penis.
Gently washing the penis with warm water once a day is sufficient.
Testicles and pubic area
All About The Base
Don’t forget to clean the base of the penis and the testicles where
sweat and hair can combine to produce a strong smell, just as unpleasant
as in your armpits. These areas need frequent washing to stop sweat
from accumulating, especially as they are enclosed in underwear for most
of the day. Make sure the area between the base of the testicles and
the anus is also clean and odour-free.
While you’re down there, it’s a good idea to check your testicles for
lumps once a month after a warm bath or shower. Look out for any
unusual lumps or swellings that were not there before.
Unless you have an unlimited data plan, you can probably recall a
time or two where you had to change your typical behavior to keep from
going over your monthly limit.
Good news: If you use Google’s Chrome app as a browser, this one simple trick can save you a ton of data without you having to change your habits.
On either iOS or Android, you can reduce your data usage from Chrome up to 50% by adjusting your “bandwidth management.”
Here’s what you need to do:
When you open Chrome, you’ll see a vertical line of three dots on the
right side. Click them, and then navigate to “Settings” then “Bandwidth
management” then “Reduce data usage.”
Simply turn the toggle to “On.” Chrome will automatically remove
unnecessary whitespace on pages, as well as metadata and other elements
that aren’t essential to render it. Images will be switched from JPEG or
PNG to a much smaller format. These changes will help Chrome conserve your data.
You’ll also be able to track how much bandwidth you save each month
on Chrome (and, as an added bonus, turning on this feature also helps
better protect you from malicious webpages).
Here’s how it looks:
Scientists in Spain have found that the artificial light emitted from the screens of phones, tablets, televisions and laptops inhibits the production of a hormone that combats obesity.
Melatonin, which is present in plants, animals and humans, regulates sleep patterns and boosts metabolism.
If you’re sleeping with a buzzing monitor, then the production of the
hormone will be disrupted, slowing your metabolism and making you
susceptible to weight gain.
Professor Ahmad Agil, who led the study, told the Independent
that ‘artificial lighting during the night…reduces the levels of
endogenous melatonin,’ meaning the bodies organisms fail to produce as
much.
I wouldn’t worry too much though. Your phone’s screen probably
switches off when you’re not using it – whether it’s charged or not.
Like everyone,
appearing smart during meetings is my top priority. Sometimes this can
be difficult if you start daydreaming about your next vacation, your
next nap, or bacon. When this happens, it’s good to have some fallback
tricks to fall back on. Here are my ten favorite tricks for quickly
appearing smart during meetings.
1. Draw a Venn diagram
Getting
up and drawing a Venn diagram is a great way to appear smart. It
doesn’t matter if your Venn diagram is wildly inaccurate, in fact, the
more inaccurate the better. Even before you’ve put that marker down,
your colleagues will begin fighting about what exactly the labels should
be and how big the circles should be, etc. At this point, you can slink
back to your chair and go back to playing Candy Crush on your phone.
2. Translate percentage metrics into fractions
If
someone says “About 25% of all users click on this button,” quickly
chime in with, “So about 1 in 4,” and make a note of it. Everyone will
nod their head in agreement, secretly impressed and envious of your
quick math skills.
3. Encourage everyone to “take a step back”
There
comes a point in most meetings where everyone is chiming in, except
you. Opinions and data and milestones are being thrown around and you
don’t know your CTA from your OTA. This is a great point to go, “Guys,
guys, guys, can we take a step back here?” Everyone will turn their
heads toward you, amazed at your ability to silence the fray. Follow it
up with a quick, “What problem are we really trying to solve?” and, boom! You’ve bought yourself another hour of looking smart.
4. Nod continuously while pretending to take notes
Always
bring a notepad with you. Your rejection of technology will be revered.
Take notes by simply writing down one word from every sentence that you
hear. Nod continuously while doing so. If someone asks you if you’re
taking notes, quickly say that these are your own personal notes and
that someone else should really be keeping a record of the meeting.
Bravo compadre. You’ve saved your ass, and you’ve gotten out of doing
any extra work. Or any work at all, if you’re truly succeeding.
5. Repeat the last thing the engineer said, but very very slowly
Make
a mental note of the engineer in the room. Remember his name. He’ll be
quiet throughout most of the meeting, but when his moment comes
everything out of his mouth will spring from a place of unknowable
brilliance. After he utters these divine words, chime in with, “Let me
just repeat that,” and repeat exactly what he just said, but very, very
slowly. Now, his brilliance has been transferred to you. People will
look back on the meeting and mistakenly attribute the intelligent
statement to you.
6. Ask “Will this scale?” no matter what it is
It’s
important to find out if things will scale no matter what it is you’re
discussing. No one even really knows what that means, but it’s a good
catch-all question that generally applies and drives engineers nuts.
7. Pace around the room
Whenever
someone gets up from the table and walks around, don’t you immediately
respect them? I know I do. It takes a lot of guts but once you do it,
you immediately appear smart. Fold your arms. Walk around. Go to the
corner and lean against the wall. Take a deep, contemplative sigh. Trust
me, everyone will be shitting their pants wondering what you’re
thinking. If only they knew (bacon).
8. Ask the presenter to go back a slide
“Sorry,
could you go back a slide?” They’re the seven words no presenter wants
to hear. It doesn’t matter where in the presentation you shout this out,
it’ll immediately make you look like you’re paying closer attention
than everyone else is, because clearly they missed
the thing that you’re about to brilliantly point out. Don’t have
anything to point out? Just say something like, “I’m not sure what these
numbers mean,” and sit back. You’ve bought yourself almost an entire
meeting of appearing smart.
9. Step out for a phone call
You’re
probably afraid to step out of the room because you fear people will
think you aren’t making the meeting a priority. Interestingly, however,
if you step out of a meeting for an “important” phone call, they’ll all
realize just how busy and important you are. They’ll say, “Wow, this
meeting is important, so if he has something even more important than this, well, we better not bother him.”
10. Make fun of yourself
If
someone asks what you think, and you honestly didn’t hear a single word
anyone said for the last hour, just say, “I honestly didn’t hear a
single word anyone said for the last hour.” People love self-deprecating
humor. Say things like, “Maybe we can just use the lawyers from my
divorce,” or “God I wish I was dead.” They’ll laugh, value your honesty,
consider contacting H.R., but most importantly, think you’re the
smartest looking person in the room.
UoN is known for its vicious attacks againts those oppressing their rights as comrades. They are also among the Top 10 striking Universities in the world and thanks to their unity and comradeship. This time round, they have decided to play it cool by striking via social media against the water disconnection in their campuses. Here are some of their comments:
"The ultimatum that I gave to swa offices has come to an end. In the
next 30 minutes water should be overflowing in the halls. On my way to
main campus.katuva must weep!!!" - Irene Kendi
"ATTENTION!!
A RESIDENT OF HALL 3 TRIED HAVING SEX WITHOUT WATER THRICE. RIGHT NOW
HE IS IN A COMMA.....SEX WITHOUT WATER IS DEADLY, SONU CHAIRMAN MUST ACT
WITH SPEED!"
"Babu Owino
what is happening in female halls of residence especially hall
4???????There has been no water for one week and we are very
worried..please intervene your wisdom please........."
"No water in hall 27 (WAKULIMA HOSTELS), Upper kabete,UoN, too alarming" "Trending now #sexwithoutwater"
"One day ultimatum for SWA to supply water to comrades,failure to which
swa director and katuva to pack,when dialogue fails we use force." - Babu Owino
We live in a time of “over-sharing.” Yet, in the wake of many
celebrities and high profile business men and women getting busted for
something they’ve said on social media, we’ve comprised this simple list
of when to stay off of social media. Because, ladies and gentlemen,
despite what you’ve heard, everything digital can be reproduced (even if
it’s deleted). Take a look:
1. When You Don’t Know All The Facts
This by far crosses across racial, ethnic and age lines. There are so
many untruths on social media, that it’s baffling. One of the best
things about the internet is also one of the worst things: that anybody
can say ANYTHING at any time–even if it’s untrue. Many of these
so-called sites come up with crazy headlines just to get you to click or
start mess. Do your research. Find out the facts, then post. Not
before, not during.
2. When You’re Obsessed With Someone
If you find yourself constantly checking someone’s facebook, twitter,
AND instagram, it may be time for you to stop, take a break and get off
of social media. Evaluate why you are so interested in this person’s
life and see if it’s really healthy for you. Internet stalking is real,
but it can be cured by logging off and doing something more beneficial.
…and the number ONE time you shouldn’t post on social media is…
3. When You Have Committed A Crime
This one may seem like a no-brainer, but you’d be surprised about how
many people very blatantly brag on social media about the illegal movies
they’ve downloaded or the clothes they’ve “borrowed” or even how
they’ve illegally entered someone’s place. If that’s you, stay off of
social media.
4. When You’re In The Middle Of A Breakup You’re in a relationship, then you’re not. Your relationship
status keeps changing like Samuel L. Jackson’s wigs in movies. People
don’t want to see that, let alone be bothered with it. If you’re in the
middle of a breakup or rough patch in your relationship, keep it to
yourself. If it’s open to the public, it gives the public the
opportunity to swoop in and make the real relationship worse.
5. When You’re Lonely
Some may not agree with this, but when you’re lonely and you post it on
social media, everyone may not feel like giving you the “warm &
fuzzy” feeling that you need at that moment. It’s those not-so-good
responses to your lonely posts that may take you deeper into depression.
6. When You Want To Tell The Whole Story, But Can’t
There’s few things in social media more annoying that when someone
creates a post that is vague yet emotional. It’s like someone tells you
something but doesn’t finish.
7. When You’re Angry or Upset
Just like when you’re in an argument with someone while heated, you may
say things that you really regret. And while in the real world you can
forgive and forget, everything digital If you follow even half of these suggestions, your time on social media will not only be more productive, it will be more fun!
Perhaps a more fitting name for Microsoft’s
latest operating system would be “Windows 15.” Because in this version,
the company has essentially brought back from the dead the best parts
of what PC users loved about Windows 7 and reworked them into the look
of Windows 8. You know, 7+8=15. Seriously, though. The Start menu has returned in Windows 10 (the
OS’s real name), but now has “Live Tiles” embedded. And now all Windows
apps are back to running in easily managed desktop windows, too. It’s great news. Even better news: We have a freshly installed preview build of
Microsoft’s Windows 10 up and running. The final version, which won’t be
available until sometime in 2015, will likely have differences, but
this is a good look at the big concepts that make up Windows 10. Desktop mode
When you start up Windows 10 on a proper PC (one with a keyboard and a
track pad or mouse), you’re taken straight to desktop mode. No more Start
screen. … And only desktop mode
Since, in its latest release, Microsoft has banished what our David
Pogue calls “TileWorld,” all file managing and application running is
now back in the desktop universe, and only the desktop universe. The new Start Menu
And if you click the Start button in the corner of the onscreen taskbar,
or press the Windows key on your physical keyboard, the Windows 10
Start menu will appear. These Start buttons can be customized in the
same manner as the ones on the Windows 8 Start screen. The new, resizable Start Menu
Bonus: The new Start menu can also be scaled, height-wise. Apps actually in windows
Apps from Microsoft’s Windows Store run in redesigned desktop windows. Apps and classic programs finally together
This means that multitasking between classic Windows programs and new Windows Store apps is now super-simple. Mail app in a desktop window
And this is how the Mail app looks in a desktop window. Very slick.
