Thanks to the government for making it classy…the move by
the government to hike keg prices has elevated the drink into the class of kina
Heineken. My hood (somewhere in Kenya’s
Capital of Alcoholics, Kiambu) has witnessed great transformation owing to
this increment. Pubs are slowly upgrading (not
by standards but by name swaps) from pubs to restaurants/clubs. The only
change evident is the change in prices of the only common drink sold,
Keg’nekken!!! The 40baab mug is now going for a whooping 65baab but the barmaid
will always tell you the she daent have the 5baab coin.”Si we ni customer, utapitia kesho tuangalie hio maneno” The
goodness with such an enticement is that most Kiambu barmaids are really hot
when HOT (High On Tots). Oh my, why do ‘we’ screw cows? Um, It’s coz when
drunk, most cows tend to look more like Nyambura the barmaid! We always do it
after a visit to the keg dens (now keg
restaurant). I would also suggest to EABL/Keroche to upgrade Senator Keg to
sum’n like Governor Keg!!! Still in Kiambu, most sufferers are now bargaining
with coroners coz dying has become too expensive. Others are even resolving to
pay in hire purchase (malipo ya polepole)
Meet Jose the Complaining Kenyan; he wakes up to drink
strong tea while complaining about the hiked milk prices, then ‘walks’ to Inda (aliokoka akaacha kupanda Umoineer). Later in the evening, he finds
that keg prices have been hiked and thus resolves to his wife as the final resort
of entertainment (‘Final’ coz ma’TV
analogue zilizimwa plus units za stima pia zilipanda). Jose then
impregnates Njoki the wife adding to his ‘fleet’ of 6 kids jus coz he heard
that the gova had hiked the CD prices and there was alotta rumours about those
offered for free (Gok). This pregnancy completes Jose’s vicious cycle of
poverty. He grows poor as he ages. The law of direct proportionality. He then
decides to Q-tac himself knowing that dying has also become too expensive!!!
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