Remember how when we were children we would eat the queencake and its wrapper? No? Really? It’s just me?
Ok, remember how after you were done with your maziwa you would rip open the box and proceed to lick everything sticky left hanging on the pack walls? Oh come on, it could not have been just me and my classmates. I see a few smiles and nods, so I will assume that I am normal.
The first time you ate the queencake — I am informed they are now referred to as cupcakes — and threw away the wrapper, you knew you right there that you were grown, you were ready to pay taxes and move out of your mother’s house. Your parents could no longer whip you in public. It was a rite of passage for many, nay, all of us.
It was tough the first time you drank yoghurt and did not rip the packaging open and proceeded to act as if you were raised by wolves. It was the hardest thing ever, you knew you were done with it as a normal person but the wolf in you wanted to ensure that you licked everything off. So you put it aside and just watched it chilling there, mocking you.You could tell it was yelling at you, “Go ahead, lick me if you are man enough. Nyenyenyee…” and there was nothing you could do about it.
It never got easy until three years later when your mind did not bother to think of the extra five drops inside.This was the same time you stopped believing in the three-second germ rule. You know the rule, you are busy enjoying something and then it breaks away and lands on the floor with a vengeance. You follow it down with the speed of light, grab it, blow on it, and throw it into your mouth.
Yes, we all believed that germs also wait for three seconds before attacking any morsel that drops from your plate. They are there, just chilling, when this piece of mango drops and a siren goes off, warning every germ to stay away from it for three seconds just in case some human really wanted to eat it.
And what made us think you can blow germs away? If that was the case, then the makers of Dettol and Lifebouy would not be spending millions educating children on the need to wash their hands. Just blow into your hand and your breath is like a hurricane off the coast of Florida; just wipes out an entire generation.But the whole growing up bit, the rite of passage and the like, only happened to us when out in public.
We all have some habits that, if exposed to the world, would get us killed. I know some people with such revolting habits they would cause a pig to vomit.
We all have this primitive nature inside all of us that breaks out when we are alone in the house. That three-second rule, forget it, if I was eating it and it fell, guess what, we are all eating it.
Have a drop of yoghurt on your cheek, you will stretch your tongue until you get it and ingest it. We all have foods or snacks that we really enjoy when eating at home because when consumed primitive-style, there is nothing sweeter or better in the world.
Look at how you eat a burger, pizza, ice cream when you are in public and when at home. Be honest, which one is the better setting? Having meat? Look at how you strip a bone down to the marrow you even impress dogs when alone, and look at how you just nimble on it in public. I am telling you, people, we are all alike behind private doors.
You could be watching TV when a piece of your pizza lands on your arm and instead of using your fingers, you, without warning, just find your mouth picking it up from your arm. Do not feel ashamed, we all do it.
There is nothing to be ashamed of (especially you Frank), it is just what it is.
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