OF KENYAN KINYOZIs

 Nowadays the Kinyozi swag is fadin’ away so fast. Current Kinyozis aka Barber shops are kinda silent with very booooring sissies with curly hairs and other girlish traits. They have made shaving as expensive as salon hairdos. I miss the days when barbers were the best storytellers…politics, sports, wives, politics, sports and politics were the main stories. They had pictures of footballers and cools roots and culture songs (My kinyozi guy, in particular, had two speakers in a kibuyu)…We would only shave after footballers and Jordan only…unlike skuizi where we shave like chicken (mohawk) but we still chicken out at the prices when we take our girlfriendss to Chicken Inn…

I overheard some story about some jamaa who wanted to buy brains and went to a brain shop only to find that an African brain was more expensive than an American’s brain. The jamaa was like ‘WTF! Those brains are so over priced man” “Ts coz they are new and still unused” came the reply!!!  Then came the Confed Cup where i came to terms with the fact that Tahiti was a Country n not a Migingo in the diaspora. Nigeria managed to beat Tahitians 6-1; this made headlines worldwide i.e “African Kings thrash Tahiti” “Nigeria the new Powerhouse”…Tanzanians papers even went farther to jack our style n posting “Tahiti yatharakanithiwa na Nigeria”…But Kenyan papers with their Nigerianedu beef wrote what most ninjas ignored “Nigeria the Only Team to be scored by Weak Tahiti”. And by tha, the Tahiti team is nicknamed “The Iron Warriors”…maybe perhaps they managed to beat Cook Islands 30-0 back in 1971. Spain joined New Zealand as the only Teams to have beaten Tahiti 10-0 within 90 minutes. Rumour has it that the Tahiti goalie was a P.E. teacher in Tahiti...Anyhu, it only in Kenya where teachers will never be goalkeepers,THEY ARE 'STRIKERS'....(Haki Yetu!! Haki Yetu!!!)Just juzi, Luogarusic was shown the door by Gor…among other reasons owing to his dismissal was that the guy was ‘french frying’ the players’ girlfriends…He was definitely tired of being a coach and decided to be a ‘playa’ #WORD

Chinedu was deported to Nigeria aboard a chartered plane/jet…and our VP also went on a ‘diplomatic’ tour aboard a chartered jet. Why is an alleged drug lord given the same treatment as our noble VP? While our local brothers are taken to Kamiti with armoured lorries with minimum breathing vents? Chinedu angepandishwa tu Grand Tiger hadi Busia border then atupwe aende hadi Nigeria mguu!!! I recently outran some guards and am not a ‘boyo’…I had an advantage over them coz I had Safari boots and they had their normal big boots (…which made em run in slow motion)…They should be given sport shoes or just let em run barefoot, ts just a suggestion anyway! 

Am out...

@Slitherbee